si arisona

Whew,, I just realized that I write only when I'm feeling blue..

Well,, sometimes it's not just blue.. it's that numbness,  when I feel I got stuck in a moment where I can't get out.. And it's not as simple as U2's song.. 

" You got to get yourself together.. You got stuck in a moment where you can't get out of it... "

When I got trapped in a situation where I can't handle, I tend to run and hide..

I can't easily get myself together.. 

Yea I know it's not right.. You should face your problem and get done with it..

Well what I did is I pretend I do not have a problem (though I'm not sure I actually have a problem, there's a possibility that I just like to dramatize to spice the plain boring life of mine)... and the problem will disappear ..

Anyway, this numbness today comes from ignorancy (i don't think there such a word) to this opportunity I have to pursue higher degree education with all expenses borne by the institution I worked for.  To be honest, I have lost my motivation.. It's because they want me to reach a goal that is impossible.. A target should be realistic. This one simply don't.  And I'm a type of person who doesn't want to give much effort for something that is going to be wasted.. And mostly, I don't want to give up my savings for shooting with blind eye.